Something we all face but don't always discuss are the stressors that come with being sapphic. Yes—we're talking about the prejudice and discrimination we experience but we're also talking about the stressors like relationship problems, breakups, shitty bosses, problematic coworkers, and drama among friends and family members. We've all got our ways of dealing with negative emotions, but not all coping strategies are created equal. So, let's break down the good, the bad, and the fabulous ways to handle the unique challenges we face.

Unhealthy Coping: The Stuff We Need to Ditch

First, let's address the elephant in the room - those not-so-great ways we might be dealing with stress:

1. Substance Misuse: Using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain might feel good in the moment, but it's a slippery slope. It’s all about your experience, so just check in with yourself: is it getting in the way of anything or is working for you?

2. Isolation: Sometimes, there are people it’s helpful and healthy to set up some boundaries…But cutting yourself off from loved ones might seem protective, but it often makes things worse. Maybe you ignore your friends texts for a few days, but then feel so guilty that you never end up getting back to them. Usually, isolation ends up making us feel even more alone. A good rule of thumb these days is when thinking of them, reach out and say hi. We all like to know when friends are thinking of us!

3. Aggressive Behavior: Lashing out at others might feel cathartic, but it often damages relationships without solving the underlying issues.

4. Denial: Pretending everything's fine when it's not just pushing problems down the road. It can also make it hard for people who want to support you to do so. Remember, when we push out the bad, we may push away some of the good.

5. Excessive Risk-Taking: Engaging in unsafe behaviors as a form of rebellion, distraction, or just to feel something different can lead to serious consequences.

Healthy Coping: The Good Stuff We Should Embrace

Now, let's talk about the healthy ways to cope that can actually make our lives better:

1. Building Community: Connecting with other LGBTQ+ folks can provide support, understanding, and a sense of belonging. Check out local LGBTQ+ centers or online communities.

2. Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices can help manage stress and increase self-awareness. Apps like Unwinding Anxiety, Headspace,Calm, Insight Timer, Medito, or Plum Village can be great starting points. Did you know there are even free online LGBTQ+ guided meditations? Check out: 

        https://insightla.org/event/queer-mindfulness/

        https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/lgbtqueer-sangha/ 

        https://insighttimer.com/yogaqueer/guided-meditations/lgbtq-5-minute-body-scan

        https://recoverydharma.online/queer-sangha/

3. Get Compassionate: Self-compassion is a way of validating what we’ve been through without fixating on it. It helps us feel more connected to others and can be really helpful when we are feeling alone.  Even when we feel our most alone, there is always someone who can relate to what we’re going through. Check out more on self-compassion here: 

https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/

https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break

4. Physical Activity: Exercise releases endorphins and mood-boosting chemicals, makes us feel accomplished, and can be a great stress-buster. Many big cities offer LGBTQ+ friendly gyms and sporting teams, but did you know you can workout with other queers from the comfort of your own home via zoom? Check out more here:

https://www.thequeergym.com/ for strength training

https://jacobyballard.net/product/queer-trans-yoga-virtual/ for yoga

4. Creative Expression: Art, writing, music, or any creative outlet can be a healthy way to process emotions and experiences. There are likely either in-person queer crafting spaces or you could check out one of the many online communities! For example: 

https://discord.com/invite/px7kGc8Qk2 

5. Therapy: Working with an LGBTQ+-affirming therapist can provide tools for managing stress and processing trauma.

6. Advocacy and Activism: Channeling frustration into positive action can be empowering and create real change. Check out a queer youth center in your area, get into politics, or check out any of the local orgs in your area looking to make places safer and more inclusive for everyone in our communities.

7. Self-Care Rituals: Developing routines that prioritize your physical and mental health can build resilience. Think of three to five things you can engage in every day—morning or night—that sets your mind in a good direction. They don’t have to be long to be incorporated daily, either at the start or end of your day. They can include such things as journaling, movement, breathing, mindfulness, stretching, meditation, and writing a self-compassion letter. Engaging in small self-care rituals daily can profoundly impact your life over the long term. 

8. Education and Awareness: Learning more about LGBTQ+ history and issues can help contextualize personal experiences and build pride. It’s also really empowering!

9. Boundary Setting: Learning to say no and set healthy boundaries in relationships and work can reduce stress. This can be painful sometimes, so it can be really helpful to get support from friends or maybe even a therapist who can be more objective.

10. Humor and Joy: Finding reasons to laugh and celebrate, even in difficult times, can be a powerful coping tool.

Remember, beautiful humans, coping with stress and stigma is a journey, not a destination. It's okay to stumble sometimes, and it's more than okay to ask for help when you need it. It’s also a part of life, and the more we know, the easier it is to navigate. Let's learn from each other and build a toolkit of healthy coping strategies that would make any queer fairy godmother proud! 🌈💪