So IPV isn't just a straight-cis people problem. Studies show that LGBTQ+ folks experience this at rates equal to or higher than heterosexual folks. Here are some sobering stats:

- 44% of lesbian women and 61% of bisexual women experience rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

- Bisexual women face particularly high rates of violence, with studies suggesting they're at higher risk than both straight and lesbian women.

- Transgender individuals face even higher rates, with some studies indicating up to 54% experience intimate partner violence.

These numbers are tough to swallow, but remember: behind every statistic is a real person deserving of safety and love.

Recognizing the Red Flags

Abuse isn't always obvious. Here are some signs that your relationship might be abusive:

1. Controlling behavior (monitoring your phone, isolating you from friends/family, limiting your access to things like money or transportation, being overly jealous)

2. Emotional manipulation (making you feel responsible for their feelings, or like you having a feeling is a problem) or constant criticism

3. Threats or intimidation (including outing threats)

4. Physical violence of any kind

5. Sexual coercion or non-consent

6. Financial control

7. Using your identity against you (e.g., saying you're not "queer enough")

8. Gaslighting (making you question your own reality)

Remember: Abuse is about power and control, not anger management or stress.

"But We're Both Women... Can It Really Be Abuse?"

Short answer: Yes. Abuse can happen in any relationship, regardless of gender. Some myths that can make recognizing abuse harder in sapphic relationships:

- "Women can't be abusers" (They can)

- "It's just intense emotions between women" (Intensity ≠ abuse)

- "We're in a queer relationship, so it must be equal" (Power imbalances can exist in any relationship)

Sapphics also face some unique challenges when dealing with IPV:

- Smaller community: It might feel like everyone knows everyone, making it harder to seek help or leave.

- Lack of queer-specific resources: Many domestic violence services are geared towards heterosexual relationships.

- Fear of reinforcing stereotypes: Some might stay silent to avoid perpetuating negative stereotypes about LGBTQ+ relationships.

- Internalized homophobia/biphobia: This can make it harder to recognize unhealthy relationship dynamics.

What To Do If You're in an Abusive Relationship

1. Prioritize Your Safety: Call 911 or your local emergency number if you're in immediate danger.

2. Reach Out: Contact a domestic violence hotline or LGBTQ+ specific resource (see links below). They can help you plan for safety and safely navigate any choice you wish to make next. Many have housing, counseling, and financial support!

3. Document Everything: Keep a record of abusive incidents if it's safe to do so, but know what they have access to. Check what is being shared to the Cloud, such as your messages.

4. Build a Support Network: Confide in trusted friends or family members.

5. Plan Your Exit: If you decide to leave, please seek support and have a safety plan in place. The time of leaving can be a more dangerous time. Pack an emergency bag with essentials.

6. Seek Legal Help: Consider getting a restraining order if necessary. There is always support available!

7. Take Care of You: Seek therapy or counseling to process your experiences.

Understanding the Cycle of Abuse

It's important to understand that abuse often follows a cycle:

1. Tension Building: The abuser becomes irritable, communication breaks down, and tension increases.

2. Incident: The actual abuse occurs - physical, emotional, or otherwise.

3. Reconciliation: The abuser apologizes, makes excuses, or blames the victim.

4. Calm: The incident is "forgotten," and things are peaceful for a while.

This cycle can make it hard to leave, as the calm periods give false hope. Recognizing this pattern can be empowering.

Supporting a Friend (or acquaintance)

If you suspect someone is in an abusive relationship it is crucial to:

1. Listen without judgment: Believe them and validate their feelings.

2. Offer support, not ultimatums: Saying "just leave" isn't helpful and can be dangerous.

3. Help them create a safety plan: This might include packing an emergency bag or establishing a code word. Or it might include more legal or protective support. 

4. Respect their choices: Even if you don't agree, remember that leaving is a process.

5. Take care of yourself: Supporting someone in an abusive situation can be emotionally draining.

It’s important to address the bystander effect that can happen here where it’s clear an acquaintance is going through some shit, but you assume her/their closer friends must also see this and be all over it, and convince yourself that it’s not really your place. What if the close friends you imagine this person having and noticing what you’ve noticed don’t really exist?  Sometimes, a simple "Is everything okay?" can make a big difference. We all have a role to play in creating a safer community!

IPV Resources for Sapphic Survivors

- The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

- The Network/La Red (for LGBTQ+ survivors): 1-800-832-1901

- FORGE (for transgender and gender non-conforming survivors): forge-forward.org

- National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs: avp.org/ncavp

- National Victims Compensation Fund: https://victimconnect.org/get-help/

- Our Sapphic Chatbot can also help you find LGBTQ+ friendly resources in your area, just ask!

Remember: You Are Not Alone

If you're experiencing abuse, it's not your fault. You deserve safety, respect, and love. Don't let anyone tell you that queer relationships are immune to abuse or that you should stay silent to protect the community. Your safety matters.

For those not currently in abusive situations, keep an eye out for your sapphic siblings. Sometimes, being a supportive friend can make all the difference. 

Let's commit to creating a sapphic community where everyone feels safe, respected, and loved. We're resilient, we're strong, and together, we can break the cycle of abuse. Stay fierce, stay safe, and keep looking out for each other, beautiful humans. 🌈💪💖